Chapter III Verse III - Waiting-for 'No'

This week I offer a small piece of a large topic – the interaction between Males and Females. This small part is what I’m going to call the Wait-for-‘No’ factor. The idea is that when you are trying to figure out whether it’s the right time to touch, kiss, hug, cuddle, whatever, wait until you hear ‘No’. Most importantly, do not wait for yes.

This applies to both genders but with most of the action starting with the guys, this is likely to be a more important tool for them. Still, understanding this waiting-for-‘No’ reasoning is useful to both genders.

A lot of guys like to wait to hear ‘Yes’ from a girl. They don’t want to be pushy; they want to show you that they care. Of course sometimes they just want to convince you of these things so that you will sleep with them but hey, people lie, watch out.

In the case of the average guy, however, his motives are good, I salute him. Respect our women; they are the Mother of Creation, Hail Empress! The funny thing is, a lot of times this guy doesn’t know what form his much-anticipated yes will come in. He is often barely asking the girl anything in the first place. Sometimes our innocent lady wishes the guy would get a clue and just do it already.

So if you are waiting to hear yes from a girl think about this: What do most guys and girls call a girl who likes sex? A slut. Oh yeah, girls can like sex with their husbands, quietly. They are permitted to enjoy it a little with one or two long-term boyfriends. But how many of us know a man that wants to marry a virgin? And even a confident, sexually assertive Bahamian woman does not advertise the number of partners she has had. That would not be’ ladylike’. She is a prize after all.

A woman can’t say yes because then the responsibility is shared. She does not want any of the responsibility for the sex, that’s your problem. She might be down for the sex. If the two of you are alone she has probably planned the moment more than you realize but the responsibility is yours. Of course that’s fine with you, isn’t it? You want the sex. You don’t mind being the one who wanted sex, who overwhelmed her normally bullet-proof defenses with your charm and your tenderness, right? No, of course not, this is sex we are talking about.

So if she is alone with you and has not told you to leave or to stop, then keep going. If you have not started anything, then start. If she says ‘No’ then stop what she said no to. When she wants you to back off she will make it clear. Listen.

Another important part of the challenges we face in our interactions is that many of us guys make sure the women around us know that we value their sex and little else. We don’t listen to women’s ideas, needs or wants, except when they lead to, or are about sex. Many men cannot name a woman they admire (not including ‘mummy’). They can’t name a woman they would want to be like or name a female quality they respect. If you ask a woman the same questions about men they can do it fairly easily. Sad.

In ways like this, sex becomes more of a commodity than a shared experience. But the waiting-for-'No' approach can clear away some of the grey area between the two. It works when you are asking for phone numbers as well as sex. Small steps, right?


- Dsus Pays