Chapter I Verse II - The Art of a Jonse

So every time I hear a really enthusiastic hello I tense up. Hails like "Yes Soldier", "King-Man" and "Honorable" ring warning bells in my brain, especially when the voice is unfamiliar. The reason for my agitated reaction is that I know that such a greeting will soon be followed by a sad story and some sort of appeal for money. Hail + story = beg.
I want some credit for recognizing this pattern. Maybe then I won't be so frustrated at having to experience it.
I'll give some recent examples:

I asked a man washing a car what place in the area sold phone cards. He seemed a bit too friendly and talked liked he knew me from somewhere. His directions were sketchy and I was confused until he started leading the way. I told him I did not need a guide as I had been to Mackey Street many times in my life. He was not hearing it. Thinking about what might penetrate I came up with a few verbal darts: "I•don't•have•money•to•give•you•for•taking•me•there."
I don't think he was a genie but he sure vanished like one.

Another time I got the dreaded enthusiastic hail from that not-so-close acquaintance. Being a polite fellow, I stopped to speak with him. I was then hurled through a torrent of nouns, including police, car, gas, tow, unfair and f&^k. Already having some pressure of my own and confused by the details of his story I asked, "Why are you telling me this?". He told me that he needed a couple of dollars for gas. I explained that I had exactly $5 and that I was on my way to purchase a phone card with that $5. He then said, "Two is fine, I only need two." I had to take a moment to appreciate such a perfect combination of selfishness and optimism. Then the moment passed and I repeated that I only had five dollars and I intended to spend it on a phone card. I hoped that the simple math of the situation would be enough - BTC isn't making $3 phone cards yet. He seemed to understand though not believe me when he said something to the effect of 'business first' and we parted.

If only the loan department at the bank thought I had money the way so many random strangers do. Don't get me wrong, sharing is great. I borrow money all the time. And I lend it. But I don't make enough to give away. Not to grown people that I don't know that well. If I have two dollars to spare I'm going to give it to a kid so they can go buy something they want. That way the kid will be happy and I'll get to watch them be happy and that will bring some sunshine in a world that is so often grey. It's called an investment. Giving money to grown people I don't know is called national insurance. I pay that.

-Dsus Pays