Chapter III Verse XIII - 5 Ways to drive much more betterer!

If you’ve read my earlier blog on driving, you might have guessed it’s not my favourite experience. Apart from the 900-degree weather, other drivers and poorly laid-out roads make it more of an adventure than a necessary part of mobility. After 12 years behind the wheel, many accidents and a lot of reflection, I would like to offer some advice.

Look where you are going
Although most of us do not gaze into the distance when we are walking, many people have no problem taking their eyes off the road. Messing with the stereo, reaching for that candy in the back seat, we often look away for “a second” (so many bad accidents have happened in that terrible “second”). Just like ‘keeping your eye on the ball’ it is essential to look in the direction you are going. This includes looking behind you when you are reversing. Years ago a friend of mine - who was a veteran of several rally races - told me that the car tends to follow your eyes. If you look where you want the car to go, it goes there. So don’t look at that lamppost you are trying not to drive into, look to the space next to where you want to go.

Slow down
In our world of Faster! Faster! Faster! many of us are in a rush to get where we are going. I like driving fast; it sends cool breeze through the window and the world looks peaceful as blurred scenery. But it is best to drive at a speed you can control. The advice I have gotten is to keep a foot in front of you for every mile per hour - 50mph = 50 feet.
When you find yourself edging up to the car ahead at a red light, slamming on the brakes repeatedly and losing control on turns, you are probably in too much of a rush. Remember how much longer it will take to wait for the police, file insurance forms and explain to everyone why you had an accident.

Don’t let ‘backseat driving’ get to you
Whether reversing, parking or choosing a route, pay attention to what you do and don’t be pressured by others. This includes: friends-“Pass out these five cars man!”; family, “it’s faster if you go a way you have never been before while I forget to tell you where to turn. . . ” (I’m translating); or random jonsers/street wanderers who have graciously decided to make a career out of guiding you out of a parking space, despite the fact that they have not driven since cars came with tape decks. Only you will be held responsible for your actions. You can’t tell the insurance company, the courts or somebody’s mother that you killed a friend because another friend “told me to do it”.

Wear your seatbelt
Maybe it’s not cool and it’s not always comfortable but wearing a seat belt accomplishes a number of positive things. It helps you sit up straight with your eyes on the road. It keeps you from reaching all around the car. It helps you avoid shooting through the windshield at high velocity. Wearing it nearly every time I drive has saved me a lot of injury on a number of occasions, possibly death.

Relax
While it is tempting to work yourself into a frenzy every time someone cuts you off or pulls in front of you, life is short and stress is a killer. Most of the time, just let it go. Chances are you have done exactly the same thing to someone in the last day or two.

- Dsus Pays

Chapter I Verse III - Our Father, who's not in traffic

Creator of Heaven and Earth,

On my journey through this perilous landscape called New Providence, protect me from badly aimed sprinklers, running potcakes and flashy motorcyclists.
Lead me far from popping bicycles, basketballs and wayward peanut sellers.
Deliver me from people who drive recklessly and without love.
Keep me far from those who wait motionless as I approach the corner only to pull out at the last second and drive really slowly; may they not encourage murderous thoughts in your humble servant.

Guide me safely through broken traffic lights, unmarked pot-holes, last-second warnings of Men-at-Work, ditches and detours.
Protect me from tractors, trailers, semis, overloaded dump-trucks and vehicles with boats and jet skis attached.
If I must be behind a garbage truck, let the wind blow from behind and let the road be wide so that overtaking comes easily.
Grant me your selfless understanding as your bountiful rain falls on my newly polished vehicle and mud desecrates a once-reflective finish.
When my AC is not working, please keep my windows from being too foggy in the downpour.
If my friends must eat in my wheeled chariot, may their food be mild in smell and dry in texture and may they spill not.
Help pedestrians to understand that while I want to stop for them I cannot force a line of ten cars to a split-second halt because they run into the street like a blind, three-legged donkey.
Help my fellow Bahamians to understand that we all have important places to go and that bad habits like creating third lanes and driving through parking lots slows everyone down.
Keep me from the path of the prison bus and its maniacal, self-important police outriders with their blaring horns and sirens.

Give me the foresight to avoid funerals, weddings, marches, proms and roadblocks before it is too late to turn off.
If people must stare at an accident or road spectacle, let them park and watch instead of drive and gaze.
Help those with smoky vehicles to have them repaired and if music must be loud, let it be some culture or positive vibes.

I know that I am undeserving of your mercy God and so I say, surely, let Thy will be done. But if I can’t get any help with the above could I perhaps have a 20 mm, hydraulically-driven, six-barreled, air-cooled, electrically-fired Gatling-style cannon mounted on my hood? I promise to aim carefully.


-Dsus Pays