Chapter III Verse IX - Ears; More Than Just Jewelry Holders

“God gave you two ears and one mouth so you can listen twice as much as you talk.”
I love this statement because it is a practical way to remember that you learn more from your ears than your mouth. I admit that I talk a lot more than I should. Many of us do. But when I listen I’m good at it. So I want to share a few things that I do that have enriched my conversations tremendously.

Shut the ^@#$ up!
Too often when we talk we interrupt each other. We think we know what someone is going to say next and in our rush for the spotlight we start talking over them. Or we are arguing about something and are anxious to make another point in the middle of the other person’s point. A conversation is a give and take of words. If you don’t let someone finish their sentence why do you think they are going to be open to what you’re saying? That is just stupid.

Check your ego at the door
Many times conversations devolve into each person trying to show how smart, right, strong or powerful they are. There are three types of conversations in this world: Those where I win, those where you win and those where we both win. If you are into winning then good luck to you, some days you win, some days you lose.
If you lose all the time then get to work. Examine the way you carry yourself and present your point of view. You might be setting yourself up for a loss.
Thankfully though, some of us realize they will not always be the smartest, strongest, fastest person in the group. But by knowing when to speak and when to listen, they learn and they teach. And they have a steady stream of people begging for leadership (and sex).

What is your goal?
Even if you are talking trash with your friends, you have a goal. Either he is trying to tell you something or vice-versa. I don’t think you need to do a survey but a quick check of what you want to accomplish will keep things in perspective.
Say you are arguing about the crime problem in The Bahamas. Your friend has just told you that she thinks we should whip convicted rapists in Rawson Square. You disagree and are thinking of how to respond. You want to tell her she is wrong and why but what if you take a moment to consider your goal?
Do you really want to convince your friend that her point of view is incorrect? If the first thing you say is a disagreement, you are going to put her on the defensive. Then the two of you are going to start arguing about a bunch of hypothetical bullshit that neither of you really has a clue about. Since your conversation is not really going to influence whether anyone actually gets whipped, the only result of this conversation will be about sharing and learning how each other FEELS.
So when your friend makes a statement like ‘I think they should whip convicted rapists in Rawson Square’, why not try a question or two? Questions such as: Why do you feel that way? Why in Rawson Square? After you give her a chance to express her point of view, she will most likely be interested in hearing your thoughts. Then maybe you both come away with some learning. And the next time you talk about punishing rapists you will be able to draw on the experiences of two people instead of one.

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

NOTE:
I am considering suspending this blog to contribute to other sections of Wodens Way. Please use the comments section of this week’s blog to tell me if you would prefer that I continue to post every week. The suspension would be for 4 weeks at the most. Note that comments from people who use their names or emails will be taken much more seriously than anonymous posters.

- Dsus Pays

Chapter III Verse VIII - Truth in The Media; Story at 11

We like to talk about how biased the media is. As usual when we generalize, some is true and some isn’t. As a truth seeker, I offer some tips for reading the news. Perhaps we can remove some of the bias while we are at it.

When sorting through the crap that passes for information these days it can be difficult to figure out where the garbage stops and the truth begins. Here are two things that may help:

1. How many people are saying the same thing?
a. Look at the information that everyone agrees on. If three news stations and two newspapers give you the same info there is likely some truth to it. It is also important thing to consider the part of the story that Fox News(How dare they put those two words together?) and the BBC News disagree on. This is not a foolproof method however, because many stories start from one or two sources. If these sources are bad then the basic elements of the story may be false.

2. Did they really say it?
a. Listen and read carefully. You can usually tell when a reporter does not have all the info. Consider the following two ways to report the same story: Police said a male body was found at Lyford Cay at 8.20 this morning. Officer Evans Walter said the man had been shot in the head. This is an example of a trustworthy sentence. The reporter could be lying but there is no confusion about what they are trying to express. On the other hand, we often get statements like; There were reports of a man’s body discovered in a wealthy eastern community this morning. Witnesses said he appeared to have been stabbed. Who made this report? Which community? What do you call wealthy? Which witnesses? How did he appear to have been stabbed; did they see a knife or the wound? The key is to remember what they actually said and what they are guessing at. Also notice that the second one has incorrect info. This is more common than you think.

Another thing to remember is that news does not look like news until it’s reported. People seem to have this idea that news makers have a magic machine that tells them what is important, how to write it and where to put it in the paper. They don’t. They get information from phone calls, other news providers, the government, organizations and the general public. It is not easy to tell which of this information is going to be important. Often you will get three calls at a time. Most of the time one reporter will have to deal with all three. It’s easy to look back and say, they should have spent more time on that story instead of this one but it’s not always easy to see that when it’s happening. So you concentrate on the one that you think is most important and keep an eye on the other two. And if you are wrong about it and miss a big story your ass is toast.

Bottom line? Check it out yourself. If something interests you, research it. Scan ten stories on the same subject. Learn about the people and organizations involved. You may find out that company you thought was so community minded is being sued for not paying national insurance. Call the ministry about something other than getting your cousin a job. Report that leaky pipe that is spewing our tax money all over the road. And make sure that what comes out of your mouth is as factual as possible.

- Dsus Pays

Chapter III Verse VII - Respect My Authority!

Many times when wandering the Bahamian landscape we run into a situation where we are not going to be in control. Maybe a policeman is directing traffic, a security guard is going to search us or a nurse is going to tell us to take off all our clothes. Yay.

This loss of control is often made even more unpleasant by the fact that many of us seem to go through a strange change when we get any sort of power. We become power-happy asses. These folks are often easy to spot. They are loud, insistent and unbending. They like to belittle, to remind and to point out. Perhaps you recognize the following species:

Drivus likanassus – This beast appears after a person has emerged victorious from a driving battle and gotten in front of you. Now that they are in front, they are going to do their best to drive as slowly as possible, drift into the middle of the road and generally remind you that they are in control.

Dumbanddangerous policeikus – This is a police officer who has been given more power than brains. This particular type of offender believes that his highest purpose in life is to remind all non-police officers of their lower social status. They can often be seen strutting back and forth, looking suspiciously at every male in the area and reminding you which areas are off-limits.

Insecuritas guardita - Though less dangerous than the Dumbanddangerous policeikus, the Insecuritas guardita can be just as frustrating. This is especially true when they in charge of concert tickets, information or anything more complicated than opening a door. They can often be heard trying to sound tough saying things like “take your time big man” or “hold on sweet girl” and been seen fiddling with the volume of a radio that they never talk into.

Queen bee-atch - This is a person with information that you need. They are at the bank, at your school and in many offices. You don’t like talking to them because they are evil. But they know something that you need to know. Sadly, the more specific your question the more vague an answer you will receive. When you also consider the fact that they will only answer one question at a time, you end up at this kind of conversation:

You: Good afternoon, I’m looking for Mr. Smith in room 103. I have an appointment. Can you tell me how to get to room 103 please?
Queen bee-atch: (Not looking up from her very important work) Mmmmmmmmm?
You: I’m here to see Mr. Smith in room 103. I have an appo. . . .
Queen bee-atch: Mr. Smith?
You: Yes.
Queen bee-atch: Does he know your coming?
You: Yes. I have an appointment.
Queen bee-atch: Do you know what room he is in?
You: Yes, 103.
Queen bee-atch: Do you know how to get there?
You: No. Can you tell me?
Queen bee-atch: Yes. But Mr. Smith left at half day because he was not feeling well.
You: (Pull out your oversized firearm and fire it until the chamber’s empty.)

There are a lot of examples, sadly. Why we so often become the people we hate is beyond me. My guess is that some of us feel that we lack control in our own lives and enjoy the opportunity to feel important. Too often we forget what it is like to be the person on the other end. Respect should be earned, not forced. When you use a position to control others you rob that position of its true authority, which is always created by responsibility.

- Dsus Pays

Chapter III Verse VI - That looks like someone I know

With the world watching a black man compete for one of the most powerful positions on the planet I think it's a great time to think about how important it is that your leader look the way you do.

Seeing Barack Obama in the United States presidential race is for me, amazing. A black president was something I was hoping my children would see, maybe. Now it is closer than ever and I'm overjoyed to have witnessed this much even if I fear for Mr. Obama's personal safety.

One of the things that makes me feel that people in The Bahamas (and the Caribbean in general) have an advantage over black people in America is the fact that our leaders look like we do. As a child I believed I could grow up to be Prime Minister or a Supreme Court Justice or Chief of Police. I would just have to work hard (I did not know much about politics obviously).

But for a black American child it must be hard identifying with the people in charge. So many of the people who shape society in America look like they live on a different planet from the people whose lives they influence. They dress different, sound different, smell different, walk talk and act, different. I would imagine this makes it easy to dislike authority and see it as something outside of yourself.

On a more balanced note, here we are in the Bahamas. We have dark leaders, bright leaders, male and female leaders. Boys and girls can dream of being anything they want to be no matter what economic or racial category they fall into. I'll be happier when we have had a female Prime Minister but we are doing better than a lot of nations. As deep as life is, sometimes it's just as simple as "If they can do it, so can I".

So I want Obama to win just because he is black. The fact is that if nothing else his victory will make it easier for another black person to do it. It will make black people all over the world feel proud. If he is president, no matter what he does or what mistakes he makes he will be remembered as the first black president of America. The sooner we get that out of the way the better.

I do wonder how much difference the race and gender of our leaders makes in our Bahamaland. Do we treat people better if they look like us? I'm not sure. I don't expect our PM to solve the world's racial problems unless his last name ends in Buddha, Christ or Selassie I. But I do think they could do more to improve our self image and self awareness.

The movers and shakers in the media, religion and politics often stay far from controversial topics such as racism, gender inequality and economic oppression, leaving us to our own interpretations. The ones that do have a lot to say are often misinformed or uninformed. And then there are those who use popular emotional issues as a chance to further their own agenda.

But these gripes are true of many leaders. The fact is that we live in a world that treats us differently based on our colour. It is often a war for resources. In the heat of the battle it makes me feel better to know that the person in charge looks enough like me to be fighting for some of the same things. I hope that my black American brothers and sisters will get the chance to see what this feels like sooner rather than later.

- Dsus Pays