Chapter III Verse V - She loves me not

This week I want to talk about women who manipulate guys that like them. They know they are never going to be intimate with the guy but still flirt and encourage.

Maybe she uses him for a ride, maybe to boost her self-esteem but she is using him. She accepts gifts, encourages devotion and teases. I don't think there is anything under the heavens more ambiguous, confusing or misleading than a woman's actions when she wants to keep you in the grey.

Every guy has suffered through trying to figure out a girl's feelings. This is hard enough for the male animal when the girl actually does like him. When she is messing with his head he has little hope. On one hand his brain is getting signals that the woman is not into him, on the other hand (the one he is using more and more because of said female's actions) the girl is sending signals as though she might/will/could be interested soon.

The switch from distant to inviting is easiest to see when a guy starts to move too far away. Maybe he realizes that this woman is playing him and says, 'Screw it. I'm not calling her no more." The girl, realizing he is starting to catch on, will do something just hot enough to keep him thinking he has a chance. She'll spend time with him, tease him with sex, play with him, touch him (just enough) making sure he knows that sex could happen at any second. But sex won't happen at any second. The guy will find that out the moment he goes too far. The girl will have to go or work or have her period or some other shit. Something will come up or change or stop the sex. And that something is the girl.
The only escape for our guy is to recognize the pattern. How does he do that? Stop being a punk. Yes rejection hurts. A lot. But being manipulated hurts a lot frickin' more. Seriously.

You want to know if a girl likes you? Ask her. Don't let her be vague. Tell her what you want. If you want to be lovers and she wants to be friends it's better that you both know. There is no shame in liking someone that does not like you. That's chemical. Get over it. That way you are not lying to yourself or confusing the kind of relationship you have. You know and she knows that you both want different things. That's important for a team of any size. You will be surprised how often a girl will open up to you and chase you when you are honest and direct. The same girl that did not want to be close to you when you were vague will often start to take an interest when you make your goals clear. Clear goals are masculine. Too many guys (and girls) would rather imagine feelings and situations than actually live them.

Does she like me? Ask her! What does she want from me? Ask her! Am I a friend or possible lover? Ask her! And don't let the answer drift into some vague bullshit. Either she thinks you are fuckable or not. Anything that sounds like: "I love you but not in that way," or "You are like a brother," or "I don't want to ruin what we have," only means one thing: I do NOT find you sexually attractive!

In closing, many of the girls I have known told me they just don't know how to say, "It aint gonna happen". Work on it!!!!!!!!!! Send an email, write a text. Say clearly, "we are not going to have sex no matter what you do". Say it every time he hits on you, every time he asks. A guy who finds you attractive will probably always want to have sex with you. If you don't keep telling him 'No' he will start getting hopeful.
The second note is that some guys don't take the hint. Guys, please pay some more attention to the girls. If she aint trying to spend time with you, if she does not listen to you, if she does not seek you out, chances are she is not into you. But don't take my word for it, ASK!

- Dsus Pays

Chapter III Verse IV - Dsus Touched Me

I got a forward this week warning of a new rape technique. The subject was a drug called Progesterex and a new trend of guys using it to drug women as part of a date-rape plot. Scary email.

It took 0.13 seconds for Google to find results for the term Progesterex and tell me that it is part of an internet hoax. The same thing was true for the Tommy Hilfiger story and his imaginary interview on Oprah where he supposedly said that he doesn't want black people wearing his clothes. The only time Hilfiger has been on Oprah was to squash that rumor.

The idea of sharing information with each other is great. At its best, a forward enriches my life or protects me from the bad data out there. At its worst, a forward is an attempt to show me how smart/cool/important someone is. Either way, it does not take that long to copy and paste a couple of key words into Google to find out if what you are sharing is useful or crap.

I remember waiting for weeks for the right combination of
A: Tape that could record (or had paper stuffed in the holes at the top)
B. Radio that could record and
C: ZNS DJ.

But today, there is the 24-hour data stream known as the World Wide Web. Here you can donate money to various charities by clicking on a link or adding a symbol to your messenger window. Search for the life story of Jesus, Hitler or Gandhi. Check out a lesser-known rapper on MySpace or shop for products from every corner of the planet. Of course most of us are busy with porn, but it’s up to you.

On the other side of the web is this ubiquitous network called electronic mail. How many of us would send letters compared with how many of us send email? But since we stopped licking stamps we all got sloppy. Now every chain letter ever written and every sappy story of good things happening to poor people must be sent to ‘All in Inbox’. Stop!

When you are sending email or posting data consider the following items. If it isn’t worth thinking about this list then it’s not worth sending the forward.

1. Take a moment to find out if it’s true. The major networks may lie but they are not going to miss the opportunity to sell you an easy story like a new date rape drug. That’s easy headlines right there.
   
2. Make data easy to access so that the person can see it without scrolling through lines of gibberish.
   
3. Forward the window with the actual message. Do not forward the original email. That way the recipient will not have to open message after message - each with successive layers of flaming, glowing and otherwise animated text - to read some crappy message that is probably a full of empty sentiments about Jesus. I’m gonna make a Jesus-forward virus. Consider yourself warned.
   
4. Delete everyone else’s email from the message before you send it. Leaving a long list of your friend’s emails is a great way to make sure they get junk mail and viruses (like the one I plan to send). In fact, send blind copies so no-one else can see that you have sent it to 99 other people.

If you want to blame big business for the limited content of television, movies, music and magazines go ahead. The great profit machine owns all of the big ones. But the internet is ours if we want it. Share wisely.


- Dsus Pays

Chapter III Verse III - Waiting-for 'No'

This week I offer a small piece of a large topic – the interaction between Males and Females. This small part is what I’m going to call the Wait-for-‘No’ factor. The idea is that when you are trying to figure out whether it’s the right time to touch, kiss, hug, cuddle, whatever, wait until you hear ‘No’. Most importantly, do not wait for yes.

This applies to both genders but with most of the action starting with the guys, this is likely to be a more important tool for them. Still, understanding this waiting-for-‘No’ reasoning is useful to both genders.

A lot of guys like to wait to hear ‘Yes’ from a girl. They don’t want to be pushy; they want to show you that they care. Of course sometimes they just want to convince you of these things so that you will sleep with them but hey, people lie, watch out.

In the case of the average guy, however, his motives are good, I salute him. Respect our women; they are the Mother of Creation, Hail Empress! The funny thing is, a lot of times this guy doesn’t know what form his much-anticipated yes will come in. He is often barely asking the girl anything in the first place. Sometimes our innocent lady wishes the guy would get a clue and just do it already.

So if you are waiting to hear yes from a girl think about this: What do most guys and girls call a girl who likes sex? A slut. Oh yeah, girls can like sex with their husbands, quietly. They are permitted to enjoy it a little with one or two long-term boyfriends. But how many of us know a man that wants to marry a virgin? And even a confident, sexually assertive Bahamian woman does not advertise the number of partners she has had. That would not be’ ladylike’. She is a prize after all.

A woman can’t say yes because then the responsibility is shared. She does not want any of the responsibility for the sex, that’s your problem. She might be down for the sex. If the two of you are alone she has probably planned the moment more than you realize but the responsibility is yours. Of course that’s fine with you, isn’t it? You want the sex. You don’t mind being the one who wanted sex, who overwhelmed her normally bullet-proof defenses with your charm and your tenderness, right? No, of course not, this is sex we are talking about.

So if she is alone with you and has not told you to leave or to stop, then keep going. If you have not started anything, then start. If she says ‘No’ then stop what she said no to. When she wants you to back off she will make it clear. Listen.

Another important part of the challenges we face in our interactions is that many of us guys make sure the women around us know that we value their sex and little else. We don’t listen to women’s ideas, needs or wants, except when they lead to, or are about sex. Many men cannot name a woman they admire (not including ‘mummy’). They can’t name a woman they would want to be like or name a female quality they respect. If you ask a woman the same questions about men they can do it fairly easily. Sad.

In ways like this, sex becomes more of a commodity than a shared experience. But the waiting-for-'No' approach can clear away some of the grey area between the two. It works when you are asking for phone numbers as well as sex. Small steps, right?


- Dsus Pays

Chapter III Verse II - Drinking Age

How old do you need to be to drink in The Bahamas? 'Old enough to reach the bar' is an answer I have heard and used more than once. One of the things I appreciate about my Bahamian people is the average citizen’s respect for liquor. We have liquor at most of our gatherings, if not for our Christian friends then for the others. Our nation’s relationship with the spirits has it’s downsides but I would like to take a happy perspective.

I have never had a Bahamian teenager beg me to buy them liquor because they were not old enough. Oh yeah, I have had a young’un beg me for a beer at a party or ask me for a sip of rum, but I have never seen the sort of conspiring and plotting that goes on in some cities as under-aged children search for accessible alcohol.

So many young Americans (here and in their native land) drink their way to oblivion. Many of us have stood outside Waterloo or the Zoo watching tourist after tourist come staggering out, collapsing, vomiting and generally unstable. With near suicidal vigor they guzzle one after another until all grip on reality is lost and a violent stomach emptying is assured. This is repeated until they return to the land of 21-and-over only. So why the difference?

Both Bahamian children and the children of our stricter neighbors to the north see the same thing: Grown-ups having a good time with alcohol. Children copy adults. It’s how they learn to survive. The difference comes because most Bahamian adults are willing to give a sip. I don’t find this when I talk to my foreign friends. They often have a lot of distance between them and the adults around them. So sad.

Should we give a young person alcohol? I can’t answer that for anyone. I will say that when children experiment with their guardians they learn to trust, to listen and to learn from them. If you don’t tell them what rum is, show them what it tastes like and tell them the truth, who will they turn to? That’s right, their friends. The same dummies you tell them to ignore. It is usually the bad ones too, since they are the ones with the liquor.

Still, when I was growing up it would have been no great feat to get a bottle of liquor or wine. Even if you did steal a sip or two from the cupboard to share among little plastic cups it was a one-day thing. This was often followed by days of terror that someone would notice how much less there was in the bottle. And it just did not taste good enough to repeat the process.

At a party the worst alcoholic pressure is usually having enough money to buy drinks for the girls you want to talk to. Beyond that it’s take it or leave it. It’s just liquor - no mystery, not secret adult pleasure, no hidden powers.
This is not to say that we don’t have our share of drunken driving, date-rapes and violent alcoholics. Ask one of our country’s heroic social workers to tell you some of the effects of alcohol on the Bahamian family. It makes the other drugs look like small-time punks. But as a nation I am proud of the average person’s understanding of the benefits and as well as the detrimental effects of the liquor. We have some ways to go but for once I don’t feel like we are near the back of the class.

- Dsus Imbibes

Chapter III Verse I - Dsus?

Now that I have had a chance to share some of my opinions with you I would like to tell you a bit about Dsus and the point of this blog.

The point is to reflect on some of the frustrations and joys of our Bahamas. Some you may recognize, others you may not. Either way, these words are pointless without you. The truth is I love you. Not personally mind you, but since you are a part of the living organism known as Earth I appreciate your existence. God be with you.

But how do you feel? Do you disagree? Agree? Think I missed something? Get your fingers on the keyboard and tell me about it.

This entire blog and the info in it is my opinion so I’m not going to waste my words with a bunch of ‘in my opinions’, ‘I thinks’ or ‘I have founds’. They are implied.

As to the name itself. The name is Dee-Sus (like Jesus but with a D). Am I trying to mock the famous Christian hero? Certainly not. But there is a message. The man many people now call Jesus Christ was originally Yahshuah or Yeshua or a similar spelling. Through various translations it became Jesus. The Christ was a Greek addition. I don't like these changes. His boys called him Yeshua, I'm gonna call him Yeshua.

But why do I care about a name? Does it really change anything?
Well, let’s say you told me a story about a person you knew, a story that was full of hard-to-believe details. The story is interesting, but then I find out that although you have a lot of ‘news’ about this person you do not even know their real name. I would be concerned. I would think that maybe you don't have the full story. Especially if you didn't understand the person you were telling me about. It's like your Spanish-speaking great-grandmother telling you the reasons Eminem was beefing with Ja Rule.

The next thing is that some of the biggest untruths come from a widespread agreement not to ask questions. Questions such as:
Why don't we know more about the real name of a man who's life story is the subject of the most popular book of all time?
Why don't we research the information we are fed about the people we love?
Why do we agree to pray to a name that we don't know about?
Are not idol worshippers those who sing praises to icons, images and names that they do not understand?

What does that have to do with me and my name?
To me the name Jesus Christ represents a particular interpretation of religious history. I have found that many of the people that like saying Jesus often distort the teachings of Yeshua to match their own opinions or worse, for selfish motivations. By using the name Dsus, I hope to upset some of these people.

The Book of Dsus is also a distortion. It is a magnification of certain characteristics, a focus. I would like it to capture the spirit of Earth’s most famous rebel. I want embody some of his humble righteousness and put society’s needs over my own ambitions. I also want to make sure you go and learn about names like Jesus and where they came from. Even if it’s just so you can tell me how wrong I am.

- Dsus Pays