Chapter I Verse VIII - Mind your Manners

One of the biggest differences I notice between walking around in south Florida and walking around in the Bahamaland is what happens after you look a stranger in the eyes. In Florida, people will stare at you or look through you before passing. But here, when you look someone in the eyes, you get something. You get a nod, a word or two or some type of general “YesssIIIII”

Here you can start a conversation in line at the bank with some idiotic statement of the obvious like, “It’s hot hey?” Within seconds of asking that question you will often be bombarded with detailed information about the people in your immediate area, including their celebrations, frustrations and life goals.

Most importantly, if you call someone rude it means something. People do not want to be thought of as rude or mannerless. If you are a tough guy, whatever, but how many thugs want his boys saying he is rude to mums?

But as the insecurity of this young, careless nation blends with the arrogance of consuming, powerful America, we seem desperate to prove how much we don’t need each other. People have less time to hold the door open, to say thank you. And I’m including all of us – old people, young people, white people, poor people.

True story: I’m in the main postal building (I refuse to call it an office of any sort) and one of the people in uniform (notice I did not say person who works there) is on a cell phone. Not unusual. The person I am with says good afternoon twice to the bloated, balding, sweaty pile on the opposite side of the counter. He answers neither time. Disturbed, I said to porky, “You could have said good afternoon”. I get a defiant “What?” So I repeat it, louder. He says he was doing something, realizes the something he was doing was talking on his cell phone and looks embarrassed. I was too angry to tell him that I wished people like him would learn or die quickly.

So yes, sometimes I too am mad at the world. Often I feel like I hate everyone in this whole country and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna waste my time saying hello to one more sorry excuse for a compatriot who is not even going to say hello back. I’ve said this in my head and I’ve done it.

And then, someone I don’t expect will say hello. Some rich business type will go out of her way to make sure she leaves space for my car when she parks or some angry-looking young man on the street will manage a “Blessed love soldier” as his face bursts into a smile. Then all the resentment melts away. I remember then that the good morning I say might be the thing that pulls someone else out of this mud-hole we call living and remind them that mud is good for roots. Hopefully this will help you remember as well.

- Dsus Pays

Chapter I Verse VII - Who, Me?

Many people I know express an interest in being the boss of something – their lover, the company they work for, the country. But do we really want to be the boss or do we just want to be treated like one?

I ask because of the lack of good leadership. Make a list of all the Bahamians you would follow somewhere and you’ll see what I mean. We don’t like taking responsibility. In fact, most Bahamians would rather nail a 6-inch metal spike through their foot than say the words “That was my fault”.

But why this fear of blame? Well, we always gotta be cool and it’s not cool to be wrong or make mistakes. So we run from situations that could lead to us having to say something was our fault.

In addition to not wanting responsibility is a lack of interest in following orders. So we end up with a situation where nothing gets done. I know because I see it. I have tried to plan things with friends. Food, music, location; easy, right? But nooooooooooooo. If it was a song it would go something like this:

You told ‘em where the party was?
I can’t really find no ride, cuz,
I thought it was at his house!
Aint she was s’posed to bring da souse?
What happened was my mummy said. . .
I was right on time but my dog dead,
I couldn’t bring any liquor, but gimmie one beer dread,
You could wrap that in some foil with maybe piece-a bread?

It’s tragic. Worse, it’s not unusual. Most of our events feel like they were planned twenty minutes ago by people that don’t really care if anyone participates.

Are we going to leave it this way or are we ready to say it’s my fault? Cause you live here too. People in Japan don’t blame Hubert or the PLP or Batelco for the problems with our country. They blame you and me. When Batelco accidentally put XXX on the cover of our phone books, then put marker over it, do you think people who read that said, “Wow! How unfortunate for those intelligent Bahamians to have such a foolish phone company?” Or was it more like, “Look what those island people did now . . . they are good to smuggle drugs but they are not so good with details.”

What can we do? Let’s look at an example: Maurice and Omar are headed to a party. Maurice is driving and Omar has directions. That makes Omar the boss and Maurice the employee. Maurice could ignore Omar and drive into a tree. Omar could direct Maurice into a tree. But none of those choices works well for either of them. Instead, Omar should tell Maurice where to go, Maurice should go there and they should both get wild like Paris Hilton on Ecstasy.

So be the navigator or be the driver but know which one you are and do your job properly. Then we can all party.

- Dsus Pays

Chapter I Verse VI - Generalize-nation

Well a lot of Bahamians enjoy generalization. 3That sentence is one example. But how much does it affect us? How much do we really believe that the people around us do things because they are black, white, fat, rich, female, stupid? What are some of the most basic assumptions we make in this country?

White skin = rich or at least got more money than most, has a superiority complex
Dreadlocks, corn rows = smokes weed, rebellious
Tight/revealing clothes = has sex a lot, vain
Dressed in a suit = not dangerous, good job
Male of Haitian descent = landscape engineer, violent
Black = was born with rhythm, is better suited to crime than other races
Young = has no good ideas, wants to destroy the country

How often are these assumptions really true? How often do we pre-judge people so much that we see what we want to see and miss the chance to learn something from someone different? A lot of the time we might learn that we are not that different from each other. Yes, a lot of the assumptions we make about people are based on experience but we have to consider things carefully.
Marion Jones lied about steroid use. That makes her a liar. She is also black, American and a woman. Does that mean that black American women lie? Yes. Does that mean that all black American women lie? No. Does that mean that some liars are black American women? Yes. Bottom line: If you are trying to figure out if someone is lying to you, it is not very useful to know whether they are a black, American or a woman. This is true of nearly all our assumptions.

We see some movies with Asian people fighting and suddenly everyone from the east is a deadly ninja. How many Asian people have we really studied? How many of them have ever done even one fighting pose? There are more than 1 billion people in China alone. So even if you have met one million Chinese people you have still met less than .1%. Do you really want to make assumptions about 1 billion people based on less than .1% of the population? How would people judge The Bahamas if they picked the most famous .1%?

We also define each other in strange ways. People are considered successful based on how much money they have instead of how happy they are, they are black because of the music they listen to instead of their skin colour and smart based on the clothes they wear instead of their ability to achieve goals.
The thing is, that method is just not efficient, it paints a false picture. So while it’s okay to say that you have seen differences between black and white people when they dance, it’s not okay to assume that the person you just met can or can’t dance because of their skin colour. Why not ask them if they can? Better yet, why not ask them if they like to dance?

- Dsus Pays

Chapter I Verse V - Can God be a Girl?

Many of today's religions are built around the concept of a single, male God, a Father. But where’s Mum? In the case of the trinity, there is God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. This really confuses me because there is space for two guys and an asexual being but no girl.

I mean no insult or disrespect but I must explain myself plainly. When I look at the world there is balance everywhere. No exceptions. Then I look at something up close: Hot and cold are two different manifestations of temperature and their balanced interaction is essential for life. You could not define one without the other. And yet, when we look to the creative force in our universe it is to a single, male figure.

Male energy is active- doing. Female energy is passive- feeling. This is a general statement however and, in practice, both genders use both types of energy in whatever ratios they choose. I don’t believe one is better than another since both are essential. Most of the people I know respect male energy more. This leads me to the question: Do they respect male energy more because they call God a father or did they start calling Him Father because they respect male energy more?

See, I like girls. A lot. I don’t just mean that I like their bodies, although I do; in fact the female body is my favourite of God’s creations so far. But, I also like the way girls think, talk, move, dress, eat. Many times those differences drive me insane. Many, many times. But I would not trade them. I can’t be around males all the time. I need to hear a female perspective on things at least once a day or the world is not in order.
Sadly, I have more respect for women than a lot of the women I know do. So many of my beautiful Bahamian ladies distort their image to appeal to the most juvenile of male behavior. Too often they fight and bicker and hate each other. INSECURITY. Why do we so often doubt a compliment and so quickly believe an insult? Stop hating yourselves ladies. God loves you and values you. God made you look the way you do for a reason. You really want to argue with God about your appearance? Does arguing with God usually work out well?

Try this and learn something: See how people react to the image of God as a Mother. Note the reactions when it’s just guys, just ladies and when they are together. Women usually strongly reject the idea. The guys not so much. I used to think that it was social conditioning that made my female friends react so strongly. Then I realized how many women I know want to mold their lives to a man’s life. For a woman devoted to God as a Father I can imagine her faith being an extension of a tendency to follow a male lead. Perhaps the ladies I have asked (it’s in the dozens) don’t want to consider what life would be like if they lived for a female God. I think it’s time they do and we do. What do you think?

- Dsus Pays