[01.15] - Speak up or Shut up?

Without even trying, I can think of five people who tell it like it is. Always. Macaroni dry? New lover ugly? Pants cheesing? They’ll let you know. Often loudly.

In part I appreciate this honesty. I always know where I stand with such folk. I never have to ask their opinion on my spiritual beliefs, hairstyle, or the contents of my lunch container. Tactless? Often, yes. But they sure are gifted communicators.

Of course, there are a few benefits to having some sort of filter between brain and mouth. One can avoid arguments, enemies, and missing teeth by keeping certain thoughts to one's self. I wouldn’t tell a gold-toothed boxer that he could actually keep some of his earnings in the bank as cash. If I go on an interview and my potential employer has halitosis, I’m not gonna whip out the Tic Tacs and a gas mask.

But there are times I wish I’d spoken up, suggested a friend rethink a decision, voiced my thoughts about a bad idea at work. So, when should something be said, and when should it be kept inside?
Speak up

1. When no one else will say it
   Whether it’s a problem at work or a gentle mentioning to a family member that socks and sandals are not a winning match for that business suit, there’s a time to step up to the plate and say what no one else wants to. Sure, it’s awkward. But someone has to do it.
   
2. When your conscience bothers you
   If something nags at you, it probably means you need to spill the beans. Even if it’s not something nice you need to say, look on the bright side: you’re saving yourself stress. Go ahead and utter the necessary awkward words. You can always blame it on your quest to keep your pressure down.
   
3. When silence will make something your problem
   There’s a fine line one has to walk between supporting friends and their decisions and letting them know their choices are wack.
   
   When other people’s poor choices begin to affect me directly, it’s time to remove the kid gloves. Especially if it’s gonna be my door you’re banging on at 2am when you’re in trouble.

Shut up

1. When the point’s been made
   People often do stupid things. They date idiots. Marry idiots. Start crappy jobs, then embrace them as careers. Once you’ve suggested that something isn’t the best, don’t waste your breath. You can try to nag everyone into making great choices but you’ll probably find yourself very hoarse from constant talking, and probably alone.
   
2. When that ship has sailed.
   Once, I took a class where the teacher rescheduled our meeting times. I voiced my displeasure, but not very strongly, so the decision passed. I passed an inconvenient year—and never missed a chance to share my annoyance in any way short of a banner, foghorn, and ticker tape parade.
   Needless to say, it did little to enhance my grade.
   
3. When you need to sort out yourself.
   There’s nothing worse than realising, in the middle of spouting advice, that not only are you throwing stones from a large glass house, but you’re doing it in the nude.
   
   That doesn’t mean we should all say nothing for fear of glaring hypocrisy. By all means, encourage others to try for better. Just brace yourself for when they start in on what you’re doing wrong.

-ja**ly