Chapter I Verse IV - And the elders recklessly cried auld lang syne

In The Bahamas we often hear the older generations speak of how much better things used to be and how much the younger generation is bringing the country down.
I think that that point of view stinks more than a chicken farm on a hot day and I’m anxious to tell you why.

Be not fooled young brothers and sisters, the older generation keeps a firm grip on our little Bahamas. They run the schools, hospitals, churches, courts, sports, police, food, drugs, taxes, liquor, politics, television, radio and newspapers. They created and maintain the same morals they so often whine about. Think about it:
-They decide which subjects are important in school, how much you earn and how much you are going to have to pay for your gas and your Playstation 3.
-If you want to work in their stores, banks or politics you had better cut your hair and dress the way they like. Same thing if you go to court, and you better talk correct *ahem* speak in the European manner that they prefer.
-That movie you wanted to see not coming to the theatre anymore? I’ll tell you why: A group of older people decided it might be bad for you. And they are not going to tell you why. Sucks, don’t it?

-They complain about the songs on the radio. How many people under 60 own a radio station in this country? Could it be that these Bahamian radio owners play music we like just so they can sell advertising time to other old Bahamians who sell us stuff between the songs? Isn't that why they play the “nasty music”? Because it’s really all about the money? Do our young Bahamians truly understand that it's all about the money? Do our older Bahamians understand that if you teach a young person that money is more important than morals you are not justified in prosecuting them for selling drugs or robbing people?

Where have you gone older generation? Why do you talk so much more than you listen? Why do you wonder at our ignorance of the past when you so often lie about it? Where are the clubs with the Bahamian music you miss so much? Where are your examples of a job well done?

Your police force is full of bullies and cynics, your public buildings are rotting and your courts are slow and broken. Your politics and businesses are full of bribery, favouritism and nepotism. You don’t invest in our sports until we win you a medal. Your civic processes are confusing and belittling. It is getting harder to tell that you care. Do you? If you do, remember this: love RESPECTS as well as corrects.

-Dsus Pays

Chapter I Verse III - Our Father, who's not in traffic

Creator of Heaven and Earth,

On my journey through this perilous landscape called New Providence, protect me from badly aimed sprinklers, running potcakes and flashy motorcyclists.
Lead me far from popping bicycles, basketballs and wayward peanut sellers.
Deliver me from people who drive recklessly and without love.
Keep me far from those who wait motionless as I approach the corner only to pull out at the last second and drive really slowly; may they not encourage murderous thoughts in your humble servant.

Guide me safely through broken traffic lights, unmarked pot-holes, last-second warnings of Men-at-Work, ditches and detours.
Protect me from tractors, trailers, semis, overloaded dump-trucks and vehicles with boats and jet skis attached.
If I must be behind a garbage truck, let the wind blow from behind and let the road be wide so that overtaking comes easily.
Grant me your selfless understanding as your bountiful rain falls on my newly polished vehicle and mud desecrates a once-reflective finish.
When my AC is not working, please keep my windows from being too foggy in the downpour.
If my friends must eat in my wheeled chariot, may their food be mild in smell and dry in texture and may they spill not.
Help pedestrians to understand that while I want to stop for them I cannot force a line of ten cars to a split-second halt because they run into the street like a blind, three-legged donkey.
Help my fellow Bahamians to understand that we all have important places to go and that bad habits like creating third lanes and driving through parking lots slows everyone down.
Keep me from the path of the prison bus and its maniacal, self-important police outriders with their blaring horns and sirens.

Give me the foresight to avoid funerals, weddings, marches, proms and roadblocks before it is too late to turn off.
If people must stare at an accident or road spectacle, let them park and watch instead of drive and gaze.
Help those with smoky vehicles to have them repaired and if music must be loud, let it be some culture or positive vibes.

I know that I am undeserving of your mercy God and so I say, surely, let Thy will be done. But if I can’t get any help with the above could I perhaps have a 20 mm, hydraulically-driven, six-barreled, air-cooled, electrically-fired Gatling-style cannon mounted on my hood? I promise to aim carefully.


-Dsus Pays

Chapter I Verse II - The Art of a Jonse

So every time I hear a really enthusiastic hello I tense up. Hails like "Yes Soldier", "King-Man" and "Honorable" ring warning bells in my brain, especially when the voice is unfamiliar. The reason for my agitated reaction is that I know that such a greeting will soon be followed by a sad story and some sort of appeal for money. Hail + story = beg.
I want some credit for recognizing this pattern. Maybe then I won't be so frustrated at having to experience it.
I'll give some recent examples:

I asked a man washing a car what place in the area sold phone cards. He seemed a bit too friendly and talked liked he knew me from somewhere. His directions were sketchy and I was confused until he started leading the way. I told him I did not need a guide as I had been to Mackey Street many times in my life. He was not hearing it. Thinking about what might penetrate I came up with a few verbal darts: "I•don't•have•money•to•give•you•for•taking•me•there."
I don't think he was a genie but he sure vanished like one.

Another time I got the dreaded enthusiastic hail from that not-so-close acquaintance. Being a polite fellow, I stopped to speak with him. I was then hurled through a torrent of nouns, including police, car, gas, tow, unfair and f&^k. Already having some pressure of my own and confused by the details of his story I asked, "Why are you telling me this?". He told me that he needed a couple of dollars for gas. I explained that I had exactly $5 and that I was on my way to purchase a phone card with that $5. He then said, "Two is fine, I only need two." I had to take a moment to appreciate such a perfect combination of selfishness and optimism. Then the moment passed and I repeated that I only had five dollars and I intended to spend it on a phone card. I hoped that the simple math of the situation would be enough - BTC isn't making $3 phone cards yet. He seemed to understand though not believe me when he said something to the effect of 'business first' and we parted.

If only the loan department at the bank thought I had money the way so many random strangers do. Don't get me wrong, sharing is great. I borrow money all the time. And I lend it. But I don't make enough to give away. Not to grown people that I don't know that well. If I have two dollars to spare I'm going to give it to a kid so they can go buy something they want. That way the kid will be happy and I'll get to watch them be happy and that will bring some sunshine in a world that is so often grey. It's called an investment. Giving money to grown people I don't know is called national insurance. I pay that.

-Dsus Pays

Chapter I Verse I - Bahamian Sexcapade

Do you really love the Bahamas or do you just want to sleep with her?
I ask because I have not run into many romantics in this collection of rocks between Florida and Cuba and I'm wondering if we are just in it for the sex.
Where is the love?

The Capitalists: How many times have you called a business, not been able to get the information you want and you hear "Can you call back?". I'm calling to give you money and you don't want to take down my number to call me back? I gotta call you? Is this what we have come to? And here is the worse question: How many times have you been the person telling a customer to call back instead of getting a pen and paper?
Where is the love?

Public Dis-Service: Think of getting your car inspected and licensed. Fun, isn't it? Where are the signs that tell you where to go? Where is the information about how the process works? Why must I be directed from miserable employee to miserable employee, waiting patiently for their disinterested, rude answers as they eat lunch, answer their cell phones and gossip?
Where is the love?

Pride people, we need some. We can't keep running the country this way. We're running on a spare tire here... with three patches! Poor public service is a reflection on all of us. It means we can't run a thing and there's only 300 thousand of us.Imagine if we were the size of Japan (Conch would be extinct in one week).

I don't like all of you out there but you are all my compatriots. Fortunately, I don't have to like you to love and respect you as creations of God. And until my license to kill is renewed, I'm stuck with you. I would like to be proud of you.

You can't have it both ways. You can't trash the streets we drive on. You can't break stuff then complain that nothing works. Respect the things that are there for our benefit. Just because you are a drug dealer or gangster or politician does not mean that you cannot follow rules that make sense for the health and growth of your fellow Bahamians.

My Bahamian brothers and sisters we are not predestined to be MEDIOCRE. Do not believe that our products and services must be inferior.In the words of the great soul Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi: Be the change you wish to see.

-Dsus Pays